Thursday, August 1, 2013

10 rules how you as a gay, can find a guy and then keep him!

So, after years of twirling on the dance floors in Orlando, New York, Paris, Oslo, and yes Amsterdam, I have finally settled down with the love of my life. It wasn't easy, to hang up my heels and choose a more domesticated life, however I realized some things on my adventure to love, and the mistakes I made. I compacted it into 10 simple rules that you can use, to find a guy and then keep him!.

What makes me the expert on this you may ask. I have a boyfriend. Thats why :P

that and I spent years, making stupid mistakes, that ran the right boys away from me, and caused me to stay with the wrong boys( because they were oh so cute, but oh so bad).  Finding my lovey boyfriend gave me a new perspective on life, and what to do to keep your relationship successful.

                              1. Hang up the dancing shoes and watch a mother#$&%^@ movie.

       Now I say that with a grain of salt. Clubs are fun, and I enjoy dancing, however, gay clubs are a breeding ground for mischief and wandering eyes. I'm not saying you shouldn't go with your friends once and while and enjoy, even if you are in a relationship. Notice I said, ONCE IN A WHILE. Not every weekend, not EVERY pride fest around the country.

     Until we as gays can learn to socialize without necessitating certain items as sex drugs and booze, these places are threats to monogamy and focusing on who should be, the ONLY man in your life.
You won't find the boy of your dreams in a club. Try a park, hobby, movies, groups, and even yes. Online.....

                                               2. Take time to know yourself-
     I know it sounds trite, but its true. No one will know you until you know yourself. Are you spending most of your time partying? drinking? waking up every morning somewhere in Ft Lauderdale with throbbing pains in your buttocks and your head? Or are you spending some time going for a walk on the beach, clear your thoughts, and get a direction for your life and the kind of guy you want.

     When you are unsure of who you are, you are unsure of what your looking for, and what satisfies the needs( whatever they may be) inside your life. If your looking for a boy to satisfy your needs and make you happy. You will not have a boyfriend for long. Relationships arent about give and give. Its give and take. What can you GIVE your boyfriend from yourself( inside) , and what do you want him to give you that fulfills you( makes you laugh, dinner whatever) . Make a list of ten things that you want for your boyfriend, and what you want for your relationship. Really take time and focus on important things. Yes dick size can be on the list, but it should be #10 if your a size queen.

try - treats me well, and makes time to spend with me.

or- I want someone who supports my ideas and dreams, having goals and dreams in your life ( no matter what) is the sexiest thing about a guy. Someone with a plan, not baggage, which leads me to my next point

                                                3. Get the F#@ OVER YOUR EX!!

     How are you going to continue a relationship, if your still talking about the crap your ex did. That does NOT a wonderful relationship make. I had a friend in Philly who was dating a boy. They were in love for years, but my friend , we'll call him Brandon, told me that his current boyfriend was looking on a gay dating site at his ex, to see if his life was good or bad( like he deserved) . THATS A NONO. Brandon's boyfriend was cheated on and very hurt by his exes and took out that excessive hurt, fear, and anxiety of cheating on his current boyfriend.

I know Brandon very well, yes likes to have a good time, but best boyfriend anyone can ask for. Hes devoted, caring, thoughtful all the qualities you would hope for. Yet they still fight over the same thing

"Why were u looking at that boy?"
"Whats on your phone?"
"What boy are you texting now?!!?"

No. That will not keep your boyfriend around. That will not attract a new guy to you. Yes guys want a hot boy, but we want one,( a boyfriend) with excessive beauty inside and out, not excessive baggage. That shows you don't trust him, or yourself for that matter.

It strained their relationship many times to the point of break up. I told Brandon to have a heart to heart with his boyfriend. Talk about his exes, his fears, what they did, and point out how your different. That seemed to help, and it made his boyfriend realize he was interested in more than his booty.

Which leads to my next message!

                                  4. Learn to trust, and TALK, even when you don't want to!-

( sorry if you thought I was going to start talking about booty here)
If there is no trust in a relationship, you might as well give it up. If you are already suspecting issues, take time to talk to your mate, or interest, DIRECTLY. Take time to talk, not sex, not drink, not club, not bath house, TALK!

TALK!. The person you are dating, does not have access to your mind, memories, or lessons learned. Say what you want, trust that your mate will want to do those things for you, and then let it go, beleiving that it will happen.

                                                         5. Don't be CLINGY!

     I remember years ago, the first time in college, at University of Tampa, I had my first sexual encounter with a guy. He was from the midwest, masculine, and fun. I asked him , in our first 5 minutes  in my room (DRUNKENLY might I add), " Do you love me???? :)"..........
I never saw that guy again. He went ghost, and I don't blame him with my static cling statement.

Love is something that takes time to develop, its a beautiful double edged sword , filled with laughter, enemas and tears. Yes, you meet a guy, and you want to spend all your free time with him, and you always make sure your available in case he DOES finally want to hang out with you.

Did you ever think, from his shoes how that would make him feel?

Like your easy and desperate thats how.

You should have your own life. Thats what a relationship is about, taking two lives, and FORMING one happy one. You can't form a happy life, if you havent developed your own. You will be living your boyfriends life, possibly ignoring your own needs, and suffocating whatever chances of single survival you may need , should this guy turn out NOT to be "THE ONE".

Its sexy( to me) if a guy can't hang out with me, because hes gotta work out first, or a project to finish at work, or helping his family, or walking is dog. SOMETHING.

Be busy. Live your life. And make time to fit the other person is, that means you are taking time from your own life, to spend with him. Much more meaningful than if your always home catching up on Adam 4 Adam and every gossip blog you can read!!!

5 more items............after this !!!!


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